I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am naked and annoyed.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
