Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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