We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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