So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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