i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
