I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
