Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We need a shit load of segways right now
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
