Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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