So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
not ubering you a puppy
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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