Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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