She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
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Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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