im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
