I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
