she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
