I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
