She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
