Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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