I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
