Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
