I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
