so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
