Just cropdusted the office
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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