I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
