Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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