My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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