my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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