come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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