My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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