Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
