I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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