so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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