My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
