she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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