Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
