I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
