No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
