Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
