I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
