guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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