i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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