Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
