she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
