yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
