the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
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She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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