Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
