Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
