not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
