I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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