I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
