I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
