We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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