I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
