Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
