I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
