your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
