how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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