areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
