I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
