Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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