Say something about gay babies.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
