he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
