butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
