oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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