She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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