she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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