when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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