Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
