Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
