So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I want to be your penis for a week.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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