I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
