I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
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You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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