Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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