I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
false alarm, still single
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