I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
