My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i out mim tonsoeep
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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