From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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