That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
