coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
