Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm always down for nudity.
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