Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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