My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
