I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
