You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
