before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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