I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
