i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
