ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
