omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Are my feet made of real feet?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
