So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
