someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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