i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
