Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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