His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
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I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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