Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
