If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
