Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
