I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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