I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
