Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
