he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
