think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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