That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
