Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We talked him into tasing himself.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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