I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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